44 life lessons in 44 years

On my 44th birthday, I got all introspective and decided to write one of these life lessons listicles. I’ve done a lot of work on myself through the years — through self-development, therapy and in my training as a yoga/meditation teacher and menstrual cycle coach. I wanted to get my learnings down somewhere. Maybe I will look back at these in 10 years and laugh, but for now, I hope they’ll resonate with someone or even help someone younger than me.

(Note: Obviously these are all coloured by personal perspective, experience and life circumstances).

1. Health is wealth and is something we all have the power to change for the better.
2. Nutrition matters. It matters a lot.
3. Sleep is crucial — and you’ll really start feeling it from the mid 30s onwards.
4. Moving your body daily can help alleviate most mood issues (so can getting enough sleep, sunlight, connection and eating well).
5. Music and dance give us joy. Do it often.
6. Give yourself space to just be. We are not machines and are not meant to be constantly doing and achieving things. Your mental and physical health will tell you how much is enough.
7. Listening to your body is a crucial skill to learn — nobody can tell you what your physical or mental health needs are better than you. After listening comes trusting (your body) — this is equally important.
8. Your body is the one home you will live in until you die. Care for it well. Loving your body, no matter how it looks, is a radical thing in today’s culture. Note: loving your body doesn’t mean you overindulge / mistreat it with poor food and lifestyle choices.
9. Learning to live in harmony with your menstrual cycle (if you have one) is both liberating and nourishing for the mind, body and soul.
10. Learn to differentiate between what you truly want and what others/family/society expect of you. Particularly important for big life decisions (like having children or getting married).
11. Address your past traumas and do the work to heal them — until you do, they will limit your potential success / happiness in life, health and relationships.
12. Poor health habits will catch up with you in your mid 30s & 40s onwards. Taking shortcuts with your body doesn’t tend to end well.
13. Make the most of the physical energy (and hormones) you have in your 20s to build muscle and set good habits for life. Maintaining muscle becomes more important (and more difficult) the older you get.
14. Be open minded and allow for possibilities in your 20s — you’ll likely change your mind about a lot of things in the next decade or two (so try not to be too opinionated because you may look back with embarrassment).
15. Make the most of your mental and physical energy + greater self-knowledge in your 30s to pursue your passions.
16. The older you get, the less you realise you know.
17. Value your friends and work at maintaining your friendships. Being alone and lonely in your 40s is harder to change than in your 20s or 30s.
18. Having community and connection is important — nobody is an island (no matter how introverted you are).
19. Spend quality time with your parents — they won’t be around forever.
20. Do the thing — if you have energy for it and it lights you up, go for it. That energy won’t stick around forever!
21. Get out of your own way — most times your fears are imagined and you are the one blocking your path.
22. Self belief is very powerful and you’ll be surprised by how much you can achieve with it.
23. Self doubt is equally powerful and you’ll be surprised by how much you don’t achieve if you let it rule.
24. People really don’t care as much about your failures (or successes) as you might think.
25. You cannot control other people’s opinions of you, so don’t waste energy worrying about it. And you cannot control other people’s behaviour, so don’t waste your energy trying.
26. Stop going through life reacting to things/events/people. It will free up a lot of mental and emotional energy for what actually matters to you.
27. Healthy boundaries. Cultivate them or you will burn out trying to be all things for all people.
28. It’s healthy to spend quality time with yourself. Do it daily — journal, meditate, go for a walk, whatever works for you. But journalling is a particularly great way to foster self-awareness and work through things.
29. Learning to have self-compassion is a lifetime journey, but one worth pursuing.
30. Never stop learning.
31. Don’t compare yourself with others. Easier said than done, but it really is the thief of happiness.
32. Life isn’t a competition — the more competitive you feel with others, the less happiness you will have.
33. Most times pursuing a goal is actually about pursuing a feeling or state of being.
34. Being clear on how you want to feel and what you value (rather than just what you want to achieve) can provide more direction, clarity and contentment in life.
35. Setting a theme word/intention/vision board at the start of the year and seeing it daily subconsciously impacts your everyday decisions — and consequently your year.
36. You are enough — just as you are. This is also one of the hardest things to learn to believe.
37. Don’t forget to play — fun and laughter are medicine for the soul.
38. We are ALL creative in some way. Creativity and creative expression are medicine for the soul.
39. Real life (in person) conversation & connection trumps online conversation & connection.
40. Adulting never really gets any easier.
41. Learn good financial habits early — save, invest, don’t spend it all as you earn it if possible.
42. Petty dramas and grudges are not worth the time and effort. Let it goooo.
43. Reaching out to connect with others is worth the time and effort.
44. LOVE — yourself and others.